Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
