i think my mom watched the whole time
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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