I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
