In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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