So drunk its hurt
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Randomize
