Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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