She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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