He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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