Betty ford says i'm here all night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
