So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
