he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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