now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
