dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
