I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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