It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
