My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
