hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
