so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
