Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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