Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
