Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
