I have demons in me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
