I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
