How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
where does the pee come out of this thing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
