what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
