i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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