I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
is this the sara with the beer cane?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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