is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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