god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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