Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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