I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize