I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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