every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
