Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
