Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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