I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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