he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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