Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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