All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
