I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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