i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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