just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
