I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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