I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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