im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
