Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
