Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
