U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
