Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize