I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.