I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my shit smells like andre
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
