I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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