Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
