two words...techno handjob
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
