dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
