I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
