i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
