so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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