I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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