Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize