well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
