We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
