he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
