I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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